Find yourselves small and ignorant. Not to be sad, but to believe and feel that there is a single being that knows all, and this is the Creator of all things.
- St. Joseph, 2015
It makes you so small. So helpless. It forces you to be little and dependent.
Your being bubbly leaves you. Suddenly, you are not that assertive anymore. You just want to listen when someone is with you. You just let go of everything that is not necessary.
You stop looking for fun. You lose interest in being entertained by things you see on television.
You just want to be quiet. You just want to be attentive.
IT IS TIME TO WALK WITH JESUS IN HIS WALK TO THE CALVARY.
Few days ago, before I got sick, I was having a conversation with a priest friend and I was telling him "I feel I have not done so much for the Lord. All I do is pray. But praying is so easy." I said it so casually that I did not realize I must have become boastful at that time. (May that priest forgive me. I am so embarassed to allow my lips have those words come out of me. I know that whatever God has destined a soul to do on this earth, that willing soul will be granted the grace to carry on that role and I believe that if to be an intercessor is my role, then the grace will be given me to make it so easy for me to carry the task. I believe that.)
Then a day or two passed, I got sick. Just after hearing the Holy Mass and saying the Holy Rosary, I took a sip of tea and a piece of bread. Then few minutes after, I felt a squeezing pain in my stomach. I must have eaten a bread that must have expired a lot earlier than its expiration date.
I got so sick that the whole day of it got me bed-ridden and can hardly focus even in prayer. I fought it hard to pray but I couldn't. I got scared of not being able to pray as the pain snatches my focus from the Lord and all I could think of is my priest friend, I gotta let him know this pain because I know he will pray for me!
It was few hours when he read the message just after he woke up. He did the praying that I should have done for myself. Although I had to carry on that test for the whole day, it could have gotten worst if not with his prayers. In here comes my first realization:
THE VALUE OF PRAYING FOR A SICK PERSON CANNOT BE UNDERESTIMATED. EVEN FOR PEOPLE YOU DO NOT KNOW. Sometimes, no matter how that sick person struggles to pray, due to sickness, that person won't be able to. That is why someone else must pray for that person. We must pray for the sick, that they may not lose the determination to pray and to walk with the Lord in their struggles.
It is easy to lose focus and to get carried away with the pain. But it cannot be like that. It just cannot be like that. In sickness and in health, the Lord must be with us! And in those times that we need Him the most, that we should hold on Him the most!
And so I had to carry on with my day of torment. I asked the Lord, "How come I had to go through this? I asked for Your blessing of the food, how can I be sick by it? What do you want me to learn, my Lord?"
Then, like a whisper through my heart, He responded "You said prayer is easy, right? Come and be with Me in My walk to Calvary then."
At that instance, I was made to realize the boastfulness I committed but at the same time, the gratitude that I should be giving to God for the grace that He gives me for my task!
TO WALK WITH HIM IN THE CALVARY IS A GRACE! DESPITE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, THANK HIM BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE, HE IS WITH YOU! WALK WITH HIM TO THE CALVARY. FEEL HIS SUFFERING FOR YOU!
The pain in the body can only be secondary no matter how painful the torment is. When we are reminded of the agony and all the suffering of the Lord for us, it is enough for us to say
"Let Your Will be done to me, my Lord and my King. Transform me in this way if it pleases you."
As I journeyed through that one day of torment, I was realizing how great are those souls who have been called for greater tasks than I am, those who are called to walk with Him to the Calvary EVERYDAY FOR ALL OF US!
Make me meek, Jesus.
Make me humble
and above all truthful
so that in these imperfect eyes
may be reflected Your loving and peaceful Gaze, so that the most lonely and suffering souls may find, through my offering,
Your powerful Celestial Presence.
(-Poems of A Soul by the Lord Jesus)