Suicide Demon

Have you ever been attacked by the Suicide Demon?

In one of the apparitions of Mama Mary to visionaries, she has mentioned that in the last days, many of the faithful will be taking their lives by their own hands and many will fall.  Those closest to Jesus will be attacked.

If you search google about what goes on in the mind of someone about to commit suicide, most often than not, you will end up reading lines like 'no one knows what he/she was thinking before it was committed'.

Well, today is your lucky day.  Below is an information straight from someone I know so well who was a hair-strand away from committing suicide.

My head was very heavy.  I was bombarded with all sorts of dark thoughts, of reasons why I should take away my life.  I was so full of hopelessness.  A part of me was telling me 'tell the people you love about this, you gotta let them know' but another part of me was telling me 'just keep it to yourself'.

How did the feeling start?

I actually didn't see it coming.  Last night, I was even bubbly.  The next morning, I struggled to pray the Rosary.  I could hardly finish it which was so odd.  Whenever I hear voices of people around me, I felt like tucking myself into my bed and covering my ears with pillows.  I didn't want to hear anyone, I didn't want to see anyone.  I was just so empty.  I kept feeling like all these people around me make me feel emptier.  They don't matter to me.  The people I want to be with, they are so far from me and yet even with the thought of going to them makes me think that maybe I will feel empty just the same after some time of being with them.  Everything seems to make me feel empty.  Tears kept falling on my cheek.  I was desperate to find a reason to keep myself together.  I started chatting with the people closest to my heart, with them taking the lead on the conversation, me laughing when they said something funny but deep inside me, I was massively breaking apart at that very second.  A part of my brain is torturing me, telling me this conversation does not make any sense to me, telling me this person will be missed by me after I take my own life. 

I didn't wanna scare some of them so I really didn't tell them that I was serious of taking my life that very day.  They did however hear me say 'maybe I'd just jump over the railway eh' in a funny tone.  They have no clue I was serious about it and inside my head was really picturing myself already doing it.

A part of me knew the thoughts were coming from the enemy. (I always know the evil one is doing its best to take the faithful down.)  At that time, I was so so weak and very scared of giving in already.  I knew my own prayer would not be sufficient so I managed myself to leave a message to a prayer partner, someone who I've grown as friends with, spiritually.  I left her a message about my suffering and asked that she pray for me.

The whole day was a torture.  Every moving creature I see was just like a moving object.  My head was so heavy, like it had its own world, talking to me endlessly.  I was not feeling any anger.  No anger at all.  It was full of sadness.  Of feeling that my life has no meaning anymore.  My head was directing my thoughts of the future and making me feel I will even be more sadder in the future, letting down the most important people in my life.

It was a whole day of long ordeal inside my head.  As I traveled that day, I actually checked where I would be jumping off.  But at the same time, I was whipering in my head, 'please Lord, help me, I cannot do this on my own.  I might give in to this temptation.  Please Lord.'  I was calling Mother Mary to please intercede for me.

I managed to make it at home that night.  Before I slept, I vowed to myself that I would go to the Blessed Sacrament the following day even though I was still feeling so empty that time.  I just knew I had to go there.

So the following day, I went straight to Blessed Sacrament.  There, I cried myself out.  I told the Lord of how I wished I was dead but I dreaded the thought of losing Him forever had I taken my life with my own hands.  I cried myself out cursing the Suicide Demon to stay away from me.

Right at that moment, I was able to regain control of myself.  God was with me.  He knew I was gonna go through with it but knew I will be able to survive it.  He had a reason why I had to experience it, to understand the inner thoughts of those subjected to the same torture, those faithful ones who are being tempted by the Evil One these last days, to offer my prayers for the faithful souls now on the checklist of the Suicide demon, and to solicit prayers from others for the same cause.

And so this is the reason why I am sharing this with you.

EVIL ATTACKS UNEXPECTEDLY. FREQUENT THE BLESSED SACRAMENT, RECEIVE THE SACRAMENTS.  IT WILL BE YOUR PROTECTION.

PRAY FOR THE PEOPLE SENT YOUR WAY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHEN THEY JUST MIGHT NEED IT.  AND WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO PRAY FOR HIM/HER, PLEASE DO PRAY FOR THAT PERSON.

If you need messages from Heaven, check another blog full of writings on such:
 http://www.directionforourtimes.com/library/english/#.Wi-M7JugfIV

GOD LOVES EACH ONE OF US.  TO GOD BE THE GLORY.